You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
