Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
