Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
