It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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