Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
