grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have already put on my inside pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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