just come out here and I will go home with you...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
