...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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