??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
