1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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