Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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