Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
