Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
