I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
