i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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