He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
