god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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