I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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