God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
