even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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