She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
