i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize