Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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