isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
