Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
