Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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