Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
