Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
