Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
