..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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