three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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