you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You pole danced in your parka.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
