you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
drinking out of a sandbucket again
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
