I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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