and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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