I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
