My nipple is on Facebook.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
