Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
