If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
