ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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