About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
