How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
