I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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