He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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