I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
