roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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