I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
