I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
