Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
