hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
