you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
