Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
