I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
