And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
