Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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