My room smells like vodka and shame
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
