This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm passing your future prison.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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