Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
