Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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