good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
