Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
