i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
