if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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