he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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