You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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